The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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