Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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