cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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