Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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