Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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