A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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