Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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