we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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