i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think I just sharted jello shots
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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