There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
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No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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