your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize