ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize