I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
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So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
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Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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