I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
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He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
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It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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