She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize