There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize