You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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