I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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