Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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