I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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