OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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