Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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