The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize