This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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