no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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