guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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