turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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