Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
wow bdsm is so cute
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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