Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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