I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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