my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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