Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
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things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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