i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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