well I can't set my house on fire every night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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