FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
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Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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