Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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