I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize