Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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