I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
His nipple licking is glorious
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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