My brain says no but my pants say off.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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