I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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