Can i not drive my cunt home
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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