Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
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You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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