I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize