That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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