So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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