I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize