Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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