I think I won the penis lottery.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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