But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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